REVERSing THE PROCESS

The beast tends to make me feel like I am suffocating while driving anywhere long distance. If there is any kind of traffic, my chest fills with cement and my pulse races. I always want to scream that I want to turn around and go home. I have to constantly tell myself to breathe and focus on the scenery. It does help me to keep talking or listen to someone talk. Being agoraphobic does not necessarily mean you are afraid of open spaces. I am afraid of being in a situation were panic might be embarrassing or humiliating. I can't handle feeling trapped with no way out. If I sit in the front seat, it does lessen the chances of a full-blown attack, perhaps because there seems to be more air circulation in the front seats. I recently went on a drive to my hometown with some friends to have dinner, drinks, and dancing. Typically, I would say yes to this type of event, then closer to the date, I would change it to "maybe". The day of, I would have convinced myself that I could not go, and retract my yes with a no. A few months ago, I decided to say yes more often and push myself harder than I had ever before. I am not allowing the beast to take away my life any longer. Avoidance is like retreating from an enemy, as we feel safer, to begin with. Then the enemy comes at us so we retreat further and further until we no longer have a life. The beast wins, by stealing every happy moment from you.  Phobias tend to become such a problem because we tend to avoid the things we fear, and that fear worsens very rapidly. I have learned, that to recover, we need to retract that process. Back it all the way up, reverse it. Any type of fear reaction is effectively automatic and hard to control. We, as humans were programmed, as soft-bodied species surrounded by predatative creatures, to respond by retreating from trouble. Our brains did not allow us to linger looking for a cause of this fear or threat. Now, however, we can learn quickly to train ourselves to respond firmly to threats. We understand because of experience, not to react with terror to prove to be harmless. Think of firefighters, tight-rope walkers, and scaffolders, all who have to deal with potentially extremely dangerous ordeals safely. I suppose if we were all not able to learn these changes, we would still be in a black cave hiding! I am proud of myself as I pushed hard to fight the beast that night. My craving for a pleasurable night outweighed my fear of the unknown. I laughed until my ribs hurt, smiled until my cheeks hurt and danced until my feet hurt! I not only survived, I thrived as a human. NOW go forth and conquer your beast. ​

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