PUSH HARD

It sometimes amazes me that other people can just get up and run out the door without any hesitation. They grab their keys, purse, maybe a water bottle and off they go to an adventurous road trip or just to get groceries.  I need to plan and over think every step of anywhere that I go. I Google Map the directions to my destination so I know exactly how long I will feel trapped in a moving vehicle. Over excessive I am sure to someone who does not suffer the wrath of the demon we all call anxiety. It may even be a strange way to deal for those who do deal with anxiety on the daily but this is my process. I need to make sure I have an escape plan, perhaps that means going somewhere that I can call a taxi if needed. Perhaps it means I go somewhere that is open spaced or walking distance from my home. I lather up my skin with my calming oils. I make sure I have water and Kleenex. All this happened 99% of the time when I would leave my house. I am finding that the percentage is lowering due to getting more sleep, eating better, drinking lots of water and taking my medication. I find that this blog has pushed me to try harder, not that I was not trying before. I am just locating my inner warrior who use to rock this world without much fear. I try to exercise daily which helps level my serotonin levels and yes, I still hate working out. I am icing my knee right now as I worked out a little too hard and apparently my old knee has gone on strike. I will still do upper body exercise tonight as I am  determined to live the life I want. The life that has me being happy and social with the outside world. I deserve that. I need that. I certainly have earned it. So push yourself. Push hard. Do not let the beast win. ​