 I have the strangest feeling going on today. I feel other worldly, not totally myself. I feel weightless which is amazing considering I ate rhubarb crumble pie for my breakfast. I feel a lift in my spirit and bounce in my step. I wonder if that counts as exercise? At the present moment, I am not in any type of pain. No back ache, no migraine not even a stiff neck. I feel less empathetic by a small margin because I am not sharing others' pain at that moment. Empathy is a two-edged emotion , while it connects you to others and helps you know their plight, joy or devastation, it can also drain you and keep you away from your own even-keel reality. I think I am happy. Purely happy not just happy I ate pie for breakfast on the deck with the sunshine warming my pale skin. Happy. I forgot about you. The moments of pure joy or happiness are often respites from the stark reality of life and should be promoted and appreciated. It is a euphoria feeling to be balanced. To feel calm and peaceful is a state I do not encounter often with my anxiety levels but lately I have been getting closer to this part of me. I believe it is the art of not giving a fuck that has slowly started to take over my thinking process every morning that has pushed me further towards this amazing realisation of dealing with life. I have given up wondering if my neighbour likes me or hates me because of dandelions look like a jungle of white clouds on my front lawn. I have given up the worry of being left out. I have given up the constant desire to not screw up something for the fear of being embarrassed. I am pushing myself through all this as it is not as easy for me as it is for many. My anxiety is still making me it's bitch, but I am fighting back harder than I have ever had before. I may not conquer my war with anxiety but I will push back every day. This bully will not keep me down.
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 You need to get out of your rut. You need to put on your big girl panties and face the world. Stop being so dramatic. It's only anxiety. Just do it. Stop wasting your life. You are totally fine. How many times have you heard those lovely words directed at you? Too many to count I assume! I have heard some of these recently and yes they hurt to the deep pits of my soul. They also make me mad as hell. Why is it that people assume when you have anxiety it is just in your imagination? Do they not realise how much I wish it was just a phase, a figment of my imagination , hell a fad? I would love to not have to fight the beast every day. To not have to physically and emotionally push myself daily to just walk out the door would be a rare day. I cannot comprehend how people feel the need to belittle someone they care about it. I have been hurt far too many times from all those words. I know they say stick and stones, blah blah ...bullshit ...blah, but words do cut down to your soul. I will say that being told to get "out of my rut", lit a fire in me, mostly from the anger those words formed. I have since deleted the speaker of those words, rather they deleted me. Tomato..tomatoe! I have done more with my time in the last few weeks then I have in a while. I have checked a lot off my to do list and have felt great about life. I have been happy, an odd feeling of excitement as I look into the future has bubbled up in me too. I have pushed myself through two really hot days, as heat is a major trigger for my anxiety. I am getting into a healthier lifestyle with eating better and exercising, something I hate to do. I am being more social. Is this all from the result of unsolicited advice that I received? Is this from shedding a negative force in my life? Is this finally putting my time into myself instead of the preacher of those words? Perhaps a mix of everything.
  Did you know there is an App for almost everything that you may or may not need in your life these days? There are Apps for helping you find someone to cuddle with, for real! It is called Cuddlr, look it up if you need that extra snug. There is Pimple Popper which is self explanatory and just gross. There is one for you cat ladies too called Cat Paint that you can add more cats to pictures. I started to look and download as many Apps that had to do with dealing with anxiety that I could. My phone hated me from being overworked! I picked the ones that were easiest to download and understand. Most were free with a few that had " IN APP PURCHASES". There were so many that I may post again with others that I discover. If you use any of these following Apps or you know of a really good one that has helped you, please comment below. I would love to hear feedback and I am always open to new ways of healing.
PACIFICA This APP enables the user to record their thought, you can oversee your moods, and set goals that potentially help fight against your anxiety. It aids you with learning where in your cycle that you get frequently emotional and require that extra TLC. The Health Tracker will help you monitor how much water you intake, how much sleep and exercise you are getting. Keeping track of your medication is another feature. *Free to download. In App Purchases available after downloading. SAM (Self Help For Anxiety Management) Featuring Social Cloud, that will help you to share your life experiences with the SAM community while keeping your identity protected. I liked this APP as it had some of the best exercises for handling your anxiety and they are in categories separated by your particular type of anxiety. Muscle relaxation along with calming breathing exercises are extremely helpful with this APP. You may love the recording feature where you can leave messages to yourself. Picture Peace, will show you an image that is concealed but if you rub your finger over your cell phone screen, you'll uncover it. Image it to be like a palm stone that some use to rub for calming. It is surprisingly helpful in many situations. *Free to download. CALM The first thing that I noticed about this one, is how beautiful and uncomplicated that the site is with the beautiful pictures of amazing scenery. It has peaceful nature sounds as well. Perfect if you want to take time out of your life to just meditate or relax or just plain zone out. The APP and website are very similar, with many meditations that are guided. Most you must purchase after the initial download of the APP but they offer many different scenarios to choose from. *Free to download. In App Purchases. MINDSHIFT APP This APP will help you take charge of your anxiety by helping you learn to relax. It includes a system and tools to help you with a specific type of anxiety. Other key issues that are aided with this APP are: -helping with sleep issues -pulling through an intense emotion -anxiety test -help with social anxiety -conflict -worry -performance anxiety issues I really liked the portable coach part to help you get through challenging situations especially if you are travelling. *Free to download. HELLO MIND APP If you are plagued by any type of anxiety then you know that it can tie you down by constant thoughts of worry and fear. Hello Mind tries to loosen those restrictions with guided relaxation audios. The exercises are guided and focus on anxiety and fear as well as phobias. You can earn points for listening and you many journal all your thoughts and feelings in a log. *Free to download. In App Purchases. END ANXIETY Adapted towards relief for stress and panic attacks, End Anxiety has been downloaded by millions of people. The App also uses an audio hypnosis technique to guide you through exercises. It urges you to listen for one to three weeks for full desired results. You are able to loop sessions to play while you are falling asleep and sleeping. Binaural beats can play in the background to knock your brainwave frequency that much closer to hypnosis. I found it to be very relaxing after a long day to listen to. *Free to download. In App Purchases. 7 CUPS- ONLINE THERAPY FOR ANXIETY I first clicked on this one because of the name and since I was having a cup of tea, it just seemed fitting. I was pleasantly surprised at the depth and vast help that this APP offers. According to the many reviews that I read, over six million customers use this to help them with daily struggles. They connect a person in need with a trained listener. E-counselling is helping change the way that we receive health care and 7 Cups are paving the way. You must complete a question and answer session before 7 Cups pairs you with a professional therapist. There is a three day free service then you are directed to a payment page. This is an amazing App if you have the funds and especially helpful for those who need a therapist but are unable to travel to one. Very user friendly and extremely simple to follow. The "chat room" that only you and your therapist share is as easy to use as Messenger or texting on your phone. The help network offers coverage in many areas that may ail you including: -addictions -anxiety -bipolar -depression -grief -stress -trauma and abuse 7 Cups is definitely the most unique App that I reviewed so far. *Free to download. In App Purchases. Overall, I found all of the Apps helpful and easy to use. In the world of social media and everyone living busy lives, having an App to help you survive is what the future holds.   Agoraphobia is commonly associated with Avoidant Personality Disorder as well as Social Anxiety Disorder. Many people assume that if you have one, you have the other. As with many illnesses in this big old world, not all are the same yet many cross each others paths. I am not a psychologist, but I do know how it feels to have some of these conditions. Today, I will chat a bit about Agoraphobia.
Agoraphobia basically is having the fear of the dreadful results of a panic attack. Your fear can be so intense that you physically cannot move. You tend to have the fear of not being able to escape such as being in a car in heavy traffic or on train or worse a plane. Bridges are extremely hard for many as well as tunnels. Sitting in a hairdressers chair is a trigger many do not want to deal with especially in a crowded salon. Going out for dinner becomes a horror movie if you suffer from Agoraphobia. The waiting for your dinner and the confinement to the table is difficult. Going to see an actual horror movie is more scarring for an Agoraphobic then Freddy Kruegers slicing grip on ones neck. It is not like being claustrophobic, as even a large room can cause panic if you feel like you can not leave. You also become the brand new owner of sweat glands that you did not know existed before and the rapid beating of your heart is not the song that you want to hear. Your legs feel like bricks have held them down and now you cannot move, yet every fibre of your being is to run to your safe place. Most people do not want to leave their homes as they feel safest amongst their things. Some can't even leaven their own bedrooms without being assisted. Having a "safe person" is recommended if you are dealing with Agoraphobia as it will give you comfort to know they are near you. A spouse or other family member are good choices but a great friend is just as supportive. When you are Agoraphobic you most likely are very anxious most of the time. This type of anxiety arises just from anticipating what could happen if you were to venture beyond that safe area. Sounds awesome so far but there is more. You may be depressed if you are Agoraphobic as being excluded from the herd will do that to any animal regardless if its by their own choice or circumstance. Having the feeling of no control of your situation will also cause the depression. Many doctors cannot tell you why you are Agoraphobic but can perhaps determine that if it is heredity or environment. Most likely the combination of both. I know a few who have a parent or sibling with the same condition. Growing up in an atmosphere that had parents or an older sibling who was a perfectionist and overcritical will see why you are feeling this way. You may have had an upbringing where they were overly anxious and overprotective. Perhaps told you the world is a dangerous dark place, which is really not the feel good fairy tale you need to hear at age six. Is there a cure? Well there is treatment. Do we ever really heal from our anxieties and phobias or do we just mask them with other conditions? I would love to hear from anyone who is or has been Agoraphobic. I want to know how you survive day to day life as I know from experience that it is hard. Not I have a cold and have to go to work hard, I mean imagine pushing a fireball with spikes out your door every morning hard. I also don't mean Pitbull fireball fun! The great thing about Agoraphobia is that it is not a snob. You can be dirt poor or Rockefeller rich, and it will set up camp in your mind. The crappy part it is not a snob! First time in my life I wish I got stood up.  Everyone loves to share but does everyone share their truths? In a world full of over sharing thanks to the Internet, who is sharing their real self? How many times have you wondered how does Mary cook that Cornish game hen with garlic and fresh rosemary all while she tends to her six children and writes her second novel? Why is her house always so clean in her Instagram pictures? Does she really clean that house or does she have a maid? Did she make that dinner or was it take out that she craftily placed into her own pans? Did she scream at all her kids and then lock herself in the bathroom so she could cry as she drank her wine and blew the smoke from her cigarette out the tiny window? These are the truths that I want to know and you should demand to know!
We love to masquerade as the one who has it all and can do it all. I have done that myself and then realised that I was not helping anyone especially me. Letting others know that you too are struggling is the best gift you can give to another human. Knowing you are not alone when you are overwhelmed can make the difference in your survival.I need to know that other people especially women of my age do not have their shit together. I need to know that they are crying in their showers because they just don't know what to do next.I want to know that they too can't understand how they got to where they are . I really want to know if they hide a bag of cookies or a box of Passion Flakie pastries, so they have an emergency stash when things get bad. I am guilty to hiding food and not telling my kids, and if you tell them this, I won't share. I want to know that they too have not shaved their legs since Halloween as they just don't have the time. Mostly I don't have the time as I am too busy crying or thinking, ok, mostly I am just too lazy. I am single and do shave when the cats start to groom my legs so don't fret. I really believe that admitting you are in conflict with everyday life will take pressure off not only others but yourself. So many us strive for perfection in our lives that we are actually doing more harm than good. Mental exertion is not only exhausting on your mind but can bring your anxiety levels high. We don't like to be judged as weak in someones eyes but I trust people far more when they show me their flaws. I love flawed humans as they are the brave ones, the true warriors.They are the survivors of this world. Being in denial is where many get cemented and their issues breed in the dark. When you allow your deepest fears to come be heard in the light of day, you open the door to healing. Be vulnerable with people and live life with your own brand of authenticity. You may be surprised at how many people are in that boat you keep paddling upstream by yourself. I am trying to make sure everyone knows that I am a mess, a hot mess! You're welcome. |
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